I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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