Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Boobs are out for the taking
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
