Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
