the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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