when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Can I color on your dick again?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i think i just lost a toe
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
