Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
