I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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