you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
