I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
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