And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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