her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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