I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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