Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
