youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
