I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
