I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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