i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
YAS. BRING CRAB.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
