come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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