He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
it's like iHOP with fire
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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