elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I need a beard to bite.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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