I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
