I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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