Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Are we still banned from the library?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
