You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
