Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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