If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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