Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
