when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Michael Bay diarrhea
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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