why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
