i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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