had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
