Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
