Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
