it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
