12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
