So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
