I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
