he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
