drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
