I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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