I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
