My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I am puke
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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