thus making me awesome and them whores
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
