ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
