I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
