Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
