Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
