He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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