did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
