Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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