Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
