my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Someone signed my nipple.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
