ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
