So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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