somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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