Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
